Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life One Touchdown at a
Hello everyone. My name is Jaci Rae and this is my true love story. When I first began "serious" dating each one was supposed to be "the one." Or at least that's what everyone told me. ‘He's the one for you.’ ‘When are you two going to get married?’ ‘Has he popped the question yet?’ What many people never saw was the inner turmoil of the relationship and the way the man treated me behind the scenes.
Society sees single people as sad and alone, yet whenever I was in a relationship I was deeply lonely. However, the underlying current of feeling lonely when I was in a relationship was much less when I was single, only now I had the added value of feeling rejected too. Why? How could I be lonely when I had "the one" sitting next to me and how, when I was single and alone could I feel less lonely than when I was with “the one?”
Other questions constantly raced through my mind such as: Was I always the wrong person? Why wasn't I ever Mrs. Right?
To give you more insight into me and how I ended up in a string of wash out relationships with men who broke my heart and my bank account many times you need a little understanding about my background.
I grew up poor with the added feeling of being very unwanted. My childhood was not a safe one. My Mom wasn't home much because she had to work to support two children as a single mother without child support so I grew up feeling very rejected and alone. Do you see the pattern?
Food was the only thing I could control in my own life and I became very good at controlling it. Sometimes eating nothing and sometimes gorging. Something I still struggle with today. By the age of eight I started on a journey to discover why did harm come to me? Why I was so ugly, stupid, fat and horrible. I ravenously read every book I could find at the school library during lunch and magazines at home. Once I was older and had a job (age 12) I bought books. It started me on a journey that hasn't stopped; my love of what makes people tick and how relationships work or don't.
Why was I always the wrong one?
Let's move to more recent events. With all my education and studying I still ending up in the "wrong" relationship. Why? I had changed my pattern, or so I thought. I picked people with different backgrounds, different careers, different education, different socio-economic backgrounds and different looks. What was wrong? I always seemed to pick the man who would treat me the worst. The "good" ones only wanted to only be my friends.
During that time I was sought after by friends, family and people who were referred to me to help them understand themselves and their relationships and to "fix" things. Why was I able to help them and not myself? I knew the basic rule that I must love myself before anyone else would love me, but I knew that I could never love myself. I was too ugly. Too fat. Too stupid and any other horrible adjectives I could throw at myself. So I hid myself even further.
The laws of attraction that most of us have heard, but practically no one adheres too, ruled over me. I only attracted those that would hurt me the most. I hadn’t changed the way I felt about myself, so how could I expect the men in my life to change the way they treated me?
One day, while I was sitting with my then boyfriend a revelation came over me. The words I had read about, studied and preached to others hit me full in the face. I deserve better and I am not junk. This man, who had been a dear friend for years, was my boyfriend now and he was horrible to me! He was a great friend but sucked at the boyfriend gig.
As I sat in the room with a bunch of NFL people I realized many of these men and women needed to score points with themselves and their “loved” ones and not just put a show on so others thought they did. That’s when the title, “Winning Points With The Woman In Your Life One Touchdown at a Time – How to Score For Men and Women” came to my mind.
At first I fought writing this book. How could I possibly mix football and love? I wasn't even a huge football fan! But once I sat down to do so it came out quickly (I learned a lot about football along the way!). The next step I took to write the book was to interview men and women on the street to find out what their thoughts were about relationships and what made them crazy in them. A year and a half of research later I started the real journey of self-discovery. I wasn’t the horrible, awful, ugly person I had always believed deep in my soul I was. I was a kind person who struggled with her weight, but that didn’t mean I didn’t deserve the best.
It was also at that point that I realized I was much happier being single than being in a relationship and I started to practice the self-love I always spoke and wrote about. For the next two years I wrote and I was happy, elated actually. People would stop me on the street just to say how much I glowed. It was amazing.
They say love comes when you least expect it and that's what happened to me. It was during my time of happy singleness, that I met the man who would turn out to be my soul mate. We talked for hours and I mean truly talked. I had never really had such in-depth conversation with anyone!
But I ran scared. A month later I was in a relationship with a man who was fun but a player. After a month with him I realized what I was doing and headed as fast as I could in the other direction. I called up the other man and we went on our first date. He was kind and sensitive (gorgeous to boot) and he even side stepped me from doggy poop on our hike.
We spent the entire afternoon and well into the wee hours of the next morning just talking and laughing. However, when I left him for my car I knew I wasn’t going to date him. My mom called me the next day and asked me how the date had gone. I told her what a wonderful time I had and how wonderful he was. I then stated firmly, “…but I am not going to date him.” She said, ‘oh…how sad.’
Something clicked inside me at that moment and I turned around and said, “No way! I am going to date him.” And that’s just what I did. In that instance I made a choice (and you can too) to change my dating pattern. I was going to go for the man I wasn’t attracted too. The man who didn’t have the element of “danger, ” which is what seemed to be underlying in all the other men I had dated.
Practicing what I preached
That was nearly two years ago and I am still totally in love as he is with me. We literally spend almost all of our time together (we work side by side as well) and while we have occasional disagreements, we always apologize. We are a normal couple after all! He really is the most incredible man I have ever known.
So what changed and how can you change your life so you can attract the one person that will treat you like gold? I go over that a lot in “Winning Points With The Woman In Your Life One Touchdown at a Time” (which I originally wrote for women to read, not sure a man would want to read it but it turned out that was untrue. Both men and women read and study it. Despite the title, this book is for both sexes and is not all about Football. While I do use football language in the book, it’s not a football book per se.)
TABLE OF CONTENTS
CHAPTER 1 Stepping Into the Stadium
CHAPTER 2 Getting onto the Field - Shedding a Little Light on the Complex
World of Male - Female Relationships. Why we are the Way we are
CHAPTER 3 Avoiding the Defensive Lineman and the Backfield
CHAPTER 4 Learning to Avoid Incomplete Passes - Communication
CHAPTER 5 Learning to Key - Women Feel Their Words, Hear Them
CHAPTER 6 Hitch and Go Doesn't Work in Relationships - Do What
You Say: Say What You Do
CHAPTER 7 The Huddle - Emotional Word Pictures
CHAPTER 8 Getting Benched - the Difference Between a Man's "No"
and a Woman's "No"
CHAPTER 9 Making the First Round Draft Pick with Romance
CHAPTER 10 Learning the Playbook - the Memory Game
CHAPTER 11 The Team - True Intimacy, the Road to Becoming Best Friends
CHAPTER 12 Recruiting and Stats - Things Women Need You to Know
CHAPTER 13 The Chemistry of Love - Scientific Facts
CHAPTER 14 Illegal Procedures - Women in the Wallet, Women in the Frames
CHAPTER 15 Adding Value to your Team - Spending and Investing Time
CHAPTER 16 Looking for a Draw Play - Non-Verbal Communication
CHAPTER 17 The Last Pass - How and Where To Meet The Woman or Man In Your Life if You Don't Currently Have Anyone to Score a Touchdown With
CHAPTER 18 Getting into the End Zone Consistently - the Final Word
CHAPTER 19 Relationship Advice from Legendary NFL Clutch-Kickers
CHAPTER 20 Football Definitions, Rules, Penalties and Fun Football Stats
CHAPTER 21 Epilogue
No. 1 Amazon and Barnes and Noble Best Selling Author Jaci Rae
Winning Points With The Woman In Your Life One Touchdown at a Time (Simon and Schuster)
Dating…isn’t that a scene right out
of High School? We’re haunted by memories of our first
date and the nervous tension that resulted from the anticipation
of it: “Did I pick the correct outfit?” “Will
I smell good to them?” “What will I say during those
awkward moments of silence?”
Things haven’t changed that much since High
School. Often we ask the same question and still get that same
sense of nervous anticipation before we embark on a first date
Dating can be a very intimidating time to even
the most experienced, savvy dater. Recently, I asked both men
and women who dated frequently (3-4 times a week on average)
if they still had first date jitters. The same answer echoed
through 93% and that was a resounding, “Yes!”
Amazingly enough, even those people who seem so
confident; those who have an endless amount of dating potential
as well as a line of prospective suitors, still get those first
date jitters. So for those singles that still have troubling
memories of their past dating experiences, how do you jump into
the dating pool and begin to swim again?
Unlike swimming in a pool filled with water, don’t
dive into the deep end of the dating pool first, even if you
remember how to swim. There may be sharks lurking, waiting to
attack. It’s always best if you start in the shallow end
of the pool.
Put one foot in by heading to a charity event
in your area. If you are nervous, as most of us are, prepare
for your first encounter, just as you would when you are vying
for a promotion at your work.
Practice ahead of time! Make up a little 3x5 flash
card set with subjects you can converse on or questions that
are conversation initiators (forget about the weather, that’s
a dried up subject).
Here are a few that you can use that are sure
to spark some interest:
Talk about your family (positively)
Liven up the conversation with topics of any recent travels
Ask about their career and how they happened upon
Ask about their family (if they shy away, you need to also)
These are just a few topics. If you can’t
think of any yourself, pour over the Internet for resources
on topics of conversation.
Where can you find a dating pool in your area?
Sporting clubs (the kind that you actually participate
Specialty courses at a junior college or community center
Grocery Stores (I talk about that in my book)
Again, this is just a few ideas. The most important
thing when you’re swimming in the pool is to avoid offensive
behavior. That’s determined by the pool you are in. Good
luck and remember, start at the shallow end before you dive
into the deep waters, a life vest may not be available.
Jaci Rae Copyright
Jaci Rae's grit and determination brought her from a poor childhood to a successful singer and performer who tours around the world. She is the recipient of the "Female Vocalist of the Year" award at the Golden Music Awards in Nashville, as well as a Barnes and Noble and Amazon No. 1 Best seller.
She is the author of The Indie Guide to Music, Marketing and Money, as well as Winning Points With The Woman In Your Life One Touchdown At A Time, Shop for a Day with Jaci Rae and Collista's Search for the True Meaning of Christmas. Jaci lives in California where she spends her spare time working on her music, writing and hanging out with family and friends. For more information, go to http://www.jacirae.com or http://www.winningromance.com
About.com Dating Guide lists Jaci's book, Winning Points With The Woman In Your Life One Touchdown At A Time in the top six of all time dating / relationship books.
Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life One Touchdown at a
Jaci Rae Can't
Push A River
Title Time (Song Credits)
Goin' Till I'm Gone 3:07 Sample(Mark Irwin, James Nihan) A Broken Wing 3:33 Sample(James House, Same Hogin, Phil Barnet) Don't Think Twice 2:40 Sample(Bob Dylan) Where I Used To Have A Heart 3:55 Sample(Craig Bickhardt) Lost In Texas 3:48 Sample(Nelda Sisk/Deborah Berwyn/Gregory Delang) Crazy 3:22 Sample(Willie Nelson) Can't Push A River 3:29 Sample(Stephanie C. Brown/Lynn Langham) Something's Going To Happen 3:28 Sample(Nelda Sisk/George Sisk ) Under The Rainbow 3:11 Sample(Ray Methvin, James Nihan) Boots On Her Feet 2:47 Sample(Unknown) Completely 3:42 Sample(Jennifer Day, Liz Hengber, Tommy Lee James) When The Time Comes 4:29 Sample(David Kavich)